


Time With You I'll Bide

by cloudess



Category: Derry Girls (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-06 04:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20285407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudess/pseuds/cloudess
Summary: "What Rhymes with ride?""Bide.""Bide? What the feck does bide mean? Bide? That’s not a word.""It is a word Michelle. ""Bide? You’ve pure made that up."----A fic where Michelle realizes a couple things about herself.





	1. Confusing Questions

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, I'm a big fan of the Derry Girls fandom and I really wanted to write something for it. So here's my take on Michelle and how she navigates the world.

“It’s not often in life that you get to tear up the page and start over.”

Ms. Debrun made a big show of tearing up the rest of the crappy poems in half. As she scanned the room, many of the girls faces were taken aback. Especially the do-gooder, who had made the most bland observations about a flower. 

“But I’m going to give you that chance.” 

She threw the papers up in a grand gesture.

“Impress me.” 

\----

Michelle was confused.

Normally when she didn’t know what to do, she would hide in her room with a bottle of vodka. 

Unfortunately, she was walking from school to Erin’s house and Erin was singing praises of the new teacher, Ms. Debrun.

“I think she’s mad cracker, don’t you think so Clare? Lettin’ us start over on a project that’s so important for developing our creative voice.”

“Aye, at first I was scared of her, but now, like, I’ve just got the feeling she’s looking out for our best interests.”

Michelle looked over at Clare. She noticed the slight blush creeping up Clare’s face as she said those words. 

“Do you think she’s a lesbian?”

Everyone stopped at Orla’s voice. 

Michelle saw Clare blushing like mad now.

James turned to Orla.

“What do you mean by that?” 

“I just mean that she was wearing pants, wasn’t she? And I think she rides a motorcycle. But she did like my dog picture, when it should have been a cat picture. So really I’m not too sure.”

Michelle’s head was spinning and it probably didn’t help that she had taken an emergency shot right before English class. 

She could see that Clare was still trying to form a response. Erin piped up instead.

“Orla, you can’t just make assumptions about someone based on stereotypes!” 

“Unless it’s James over here.”

“I am not gay Michelle.” 

“Aye, and I’m not a motherfecking badass.”

“Guys!”

Erin intejected.

“Whether or not Ms. Debrun is a lesbian doesn’t matter. We’ve only had one class with her and it was thought provoking, mind changing. And I for one am excited to go and work on this project. Come on!” 

Erin started up the hill, with James following close behind her. Orla ran ahead and was fascinated by a particularly tall blade of grass. 

That left Michelle and Clare. 

Michelle was even more confused and Clare looked like she was about to have a cack attack.

It was surprising to Michelle when she heard Clare’s trembling voice, barely a whisper, asking her:

“Do you really think that she could be a lesbian?”

Michelle heard the complexity behind Clare’s question. She shrugged.

“How should I know?”


	2. Poetry and Revelations

The clamour of the kitchen table could be heard down the block, as the girls read aloud their poems, trying to impress each other. 

Clare was furiously scribbling on her notepad. Suddenly, she threw down her pen and let out a noise of frustration.

“Oh god! This whole writing from the soul carry-on is a nightmare.” 

Michelle sat across from Clare, trying to catch was she was writing. Not for inspiration or anything. She was just curious. Knowing Clare, she would write something super sappy. 

She wasn’t trying to do anything sappy. She was going the badass route and writing down about her sexual frustrations. Strangely, they had been more frequent than usual. 

Michelle considered herself the horniest out of her group of friends. Lord knows James wasn’t getting any till he admitted something to himself and Erin was too much of a romantic. Clare didn’t have many options being the only open lesbian in Derry. And Orla, well Orla, she didn’t know. 

“What rhymes with ride?”

Clare’s eyes met Michelle’s. They lit up when she responded.

“Bide!”

Michelle’s eyebrow shot up. 

“Bide? What the fuck does bide mean? Bide? That’s not a word.”

“It is a word Michelle.”

“Bide? You’ve pure made that up.”

Erin interrupted.

“Can we all be quiet please?”

The table fell silent.

Michelle mouthed the word Bide over and over as she tried to pencil in where it belonged.

_I think you’re a ride_

_Stirring something inside me_

_Bide???_

Michelle had no clue what the word meant, or what she was trying to say with the poem, so she gave up and let her mind wander. Of course her mind took her to the speculation about Ms. Debrun and Clare’s reaction. It was clear that Clare had a crush on Ms. Debrun and-

She looked up at Clare.

Clare was sitting, hunched over her paper. Her face had a rather scrunched quality when she was concentrating. She also had a slight pout to her lips that was rather cute. 

Michelle looked down at her paper. Apparently her subconscious or some shit had taken over and finished the last line of her poem.

_Time with you I’ll bide._

Now she was freaking out. That sentence didn’t make one bit of jack sense and neither did any of these feelings rising up. She needed a drink right now. 

She stood up rather shakily.

“Your parents got a cabinet around here somewhere Erin?” 

Erin looked at her with confusion

“Michelle, I don’t know why-”

Erin cut off as Michelle darted out of the room. 

She needed to get out of the house, Michelle thought. Those words and Ms. Debrun and Clare; it was all too much. She found herself out on the front step of Erin’s door, the cool night breeze sobering her up a little bit. She turned her eyes towards the night sky, but then jumped at the sound of the door opening behind her. 

Turning towards the person, she felt her defenses rise as it wasn’t the person she expecting. 

“What do you want you English prick?”

James paused and absorbed the insult like he was used to doing. But then he straightened his shoulders and sighed.

“Michelle, I came to see if you were alright. You ran out of there really fast and everyone is worried that something is wrong. Are you ok?”

Michelle stiffened at the words, but quickly settled into her bravado facảde that she was so good at.

“Of course I’m fecking ok James, I just needed to go see if Erin’s folks kept their stuff out here.

She turned away from him.

“Wouldn’t you like to know. Bet they don’t even have proper drink in England.”

James paused again to collect his thoughts before responding.

“This isn’t about the alcohol, is it Michelle?”

“Oh come off it!”

“I know you drink when something is bothering you.”

Michelle froze at this statement. How could James have guessed her biggest secret. Or at least one of them. It was something that she didn’t want to admit to herself and maybe something that she hadn’t quite formed an idea around.

James pressed on.

“Look, I don’t know what is happening with you, but I’m worried Michelle. You always try to fix every situation with alcohol and that almost never works. You get into these states of recklessness and it is really scary. I know you probably aren’t even going to listen to me about this, but please try to hear what I’m saying.”

Michelle nodded along, but wasn’t really listening. She knew that she used drink to cope, but her brain hadn’t come up with the idea that it could hurt others. 

She was startled out of her thoughts by James putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. Not used to any form of touch or sympathy from her cousin, she instinctively reacted negatively.

“Oy, what do you think you’re doing? Get your fecking hand off me.”

The next thing she said was something she immediately regretted.

“See, this is why people think you’re gay.”

James's eyes widened and he tensed up as if he wanted to leave but couldn’t. He removed his hand tentatively, as if doing so quickly would cause his cousin to snap again. 

But then something changed in his eyes, and the gears in his head began to turn.

Michelle was staring back at him, her eyes showing remorse under her anger. 

James took a leap of faith. It all made sense now, the teasing of himself, the drinking, the constant talk of boys that never seemed to work out. 

“Michelle, are you gay?”

And just like that, all of the walls Michelle had built up came crashing down. Her two biggest secrets, dismantled right in front of her by her prick of a cousin. And she was terrified.

Michelle bit the top of her glossed lips as her watery eyes revealed her shattered confidence. 

“Aye, I think I am.”


	3. The Best of Derry

Michelle had almost skipped class the next day, insisting she was sick. Unfortunately her mam was a nurse, and well, she couldn’t fake being sick very well. As she dragged herself out of bed, she heard her mother call up.

“Clare’s here.”

Now this was not unusual, as Clare lived the farthest from the school. She would always go to Michelle and James’s house first and then the three of them would walk to Erin and Orla’s. 

Michelle put the least amount of effort she had ever put into getting ready. It still took her like twenty minutes or so, but she surprisingly beat James. She made her way downstairs wondering what was taking him so long. Probably gelling that mess on his head, Michelle thought. 

When she saw Clare, their eyes locked and Michelle began to sweat. She wondered if Clare might guess the secret that had bubbled to the surface last night. 

Michelle could feel herself staring. It was as if last night had catalyzed something that had been developing for the last few months. 

“Hi, Michelle.”

Now Michelle’s first instinct in this uncomfortable situation would have been to distract herself by blaming James for something. Unfortunately, they had a very emotional night last night. And well, she hated to admit it, but maybe he was less of a prick than she thought.

“You alright Michelle?”

She couldn’t help but check Clare out. Michelle quickly realized how much she admired Clare’s clear blue eyes. 

“I’m fine.”

She saw those pouted lips again and thought: Feck me, she’s got the best lips in Derry and she doesn’t even know it. 

Even though she was just in her plain school uniform, it didn’t stop Michelle from taking in the fullness of Clare’s form. Michelle made a mental note that lips were not the only thing that Clare had the best of in Derry.

“You sure? You’re looking a little faint.”

“Michelle?”

Michelle’s thoughts began to race: Shit, now she’s seeing me at my worst, when I could have done so much better. Why didn’t I paint on my mole?

“I said I’m fine.”

An awkward silence fell between them till James finally came down the stairs in a rush. His hair was perfectly gelled up and he looked very put together. Michelle scoffed internally. 

\----

The walk to Erin and Orla’s house was rather quiet. James attempted to make small talk with both Michelle and Clare, but neither of them were in the mood to talk.

When they reached the house, Erin bursts from the door with enough energy to nearly break the doorframe. She was waving a piece of paper around like mad.

“I was up all night working on it, but I think it’s finally done! My first true work, written straight from the soul.”

Orla followed Erin. In one hand was the blade of grass she had seen last night and in the other was a purple lollipop. 

“I still think you should have used something from your diary, considering that I got a good grade on my report on it.

Erin didn’t hear Orla, so she didn’t get annoyed with the fact that her cousin had used her diary for a book report like she normally would. Instead she continued to gush about her poem.

“I can’t wait till Ms. DeBrun reads it aloud in class. I think she’ll find my excellent use of imagery profound.”

Michelle’s eyes widened.

“Wait she’s going to read these out loud?” 

Her only thought right now is her haiku stuffed in her backpack. The poem itself wasn’t incriminating of her feelings towards a certain Derry Girl, but Michelle knew what it meant. And since James is such a clever ball-ache, he’d probably figure it out too. 

Clare looked nervous as well, but the only one that noticed is James. He didn’t say anything.

Michelle huffed. She might as well get on with this day, as it was already shaping up to be a trainwreck.

“Come on you lot!”

She really needed a drink.


	4. Strength

Michelle found herself out on the cricket field, standing in line with a bat slung over her shoulders. A warm breeze from the west blew across her face and she smiled because she was not in English class right now.

This was not the original plan. Ms. DeBrun had wanted to stay inside and read everyone’s new poems aloud. That plan changed when she started with Jenny Joyce’s.

After hearing the bore’s attempt at being deep: _ School is my safe space, especially when I feel out of place. Can’t seem to find my way, I stay afloat anyway _, she decided to let the girls express their untapped emotions out on the field. 

Clare was standing in front of Michelle, twirling her bat nervously. She shifted from side to side with an agitation that only Clare could express.

Michelle had no idea what emotion she wanted to say, so she decided to ask the very person who was causing all of the turmoil inside herself.

“What are you thinking about?”

Clare whipped around.

“What?”

“I asked what emotion were you thinking about?”

“Oh.”

Clare’s eyes locked with Michelle’s. For the first time, there was a blush across Clare’s cheeks that rivaled her blush about Ms. DeBrun.

“I-, I um, I’m not quite sure. I guess I’ve had a lot on my mind. All of my poetry seems to lead towards this feeling of unfairness you know? I can’t help thinking it unfair that I happen to be the only lesbian in Derry.”

Michelle breaks eye contact, as painful as that is, and looks down at the ground. 

“Well it is unfair. You really haven’t found any others?”

“It’s not like I’m a common thing Michelle. Besides, this Derry for Christ’s sake, it’s not exactly a safe place for a wee lesbian. Sure, your family and Erin’s have been accepting, but what about the rest of the town.”

“Right.”

Michelle looked back up at Clare. There was something in Clare’s eyes that wanted to continue talking. Unfortunately, they were cut off by Ms. DeBrun, who was ready to get some feelings flowing.

“All right! Let’s see what we can find here. Line up and one at a time shout a problem that has been really bothering you.”

Michelle saw Erin, who was at the head of the line, ready her bat.

“Dig deep. Something you hate.”

Something she hated? Michelle hated a lot of things: James (up until recently), bars that wouldn’t serve her, words she didn’t know, and people who talked too slow.

“Something you despise.”

She despised herself. Wait what? No...that’s right. She despised herself. 

Michelle was trembling, why did she need to have these thoughts right now? 

“No holding back.”

Why did she despise herself? What was wrong with her? She was perfectly normal, functioning person.

“Come on! Get it out!”

Out. Out. She wasn’t out. Clare was out. And she wasn’t. And she despised herself. Why couldn’t she have Clare’s bravery. Clare of all people; wonderful, nervous, wee Clare. She had such strength. No one would ever guess it looking at her, but Michelle knew. And that was enough. 

Enough to send her into a tailspin when Clare came out. Sure she drank before, but after that it was almost every single day, often two or three times just to make it through. She couldn’t cope. Everyone thought she was just mouthy Michelle, and that nothing had changed. But everything had changed. Michelle knew who she was now, and she didn’t know now to react.

James had guessed. And he saw her for who she was. That she hated herself for not being Clare. Michelle was so confused. She liked Clare and but liking Clare had caused her harm. So what was the truth? What was her emotion? What was bothering her?

“Injustice!”

It was unjust for Clare to be the only open lesbian in Derry. She should have a partner. A friend at least. Someone who could relate to her troubles. And Michelle could be that for her. She just didn’t know how.

Clare stepped up and swung her bat.

“Prejudice!”

It wasn’t fair. Clare was right. Of course Clare was right. And damn did she look good swinging that bat with a fury that Michelle could only dream of. 

It was now her turn. And Michelle’s mind was blank. 

She figured it was time to use one of her best skills: lying her ass off. 

“Mass!”

Crack! The ball connected with the bat and sailed over Ms. DeBrun’s head.

Even though the words were wrong, the pain was all there and sailing far away from Michelle. 

She turned and saw Clare at the back of the line, smiling with a warmth more powerful than the breeze. 

And Michelle felt enveloped by that strength that she envied so much.

She stepped into the back of the line with Clare.

“Not too bad of a swing there Michelle.”

This time it was Michelle blushing like a proper idiot. She didn’t mind so much, because now she felt a new emotion radiating off of herself. 

It was hope.


	5. Solidarity

The couch at Ms. DeBrun’s house had a certain sinking feeling to it. Like a person could lean back into it and all of their troubles would melt away. 

Michelle was comforted by this couch and a glass of wine she held in her hand. Before, she would have wanted something stronger, but now, she just wanted to enjoy it. 

Her drinking problem wasn’t fixed. Michelle was too smart to think that. She knew that this good feeling was a fragile state of being. However, she also knew that if she fell off the wagon, she could recover. 

James would be there for her, just like he had been there for Clare during her time of crisis. And so would the rest of the Derry girls, as soon as she told them about it.

“Some wine?”

Ms. DeBrune held a full glass up to Clare, the only one who had not gotten a drink.

“Oh no, I actually don’t...”

She turned towards Michelle and her full glass.

Michelle rolled her eyes at Clare. She was a great person, but sometimes she could be a craic killer. Today was a good day, Clare should loosen up and celebrate.

“Cheers.”

Clare accepted the full glass and began to chug it. 

Clearly she had never drank before. 

Oh Christ, she had never drank before, had she? 

“Hit me again.”

Michelle began swearing internally. A minute ago she had wanted Clare to loosen up and now all she wanted was for Clare to stop. 

“Ok.”

Because Clare was just like Michelle. 

Glug. Everyone knows. Glug. She couldn’t be gay. Glug. God, why won’t this just go away? Glug.

She needed to say something. She needed to stop the looping thoughts of despair in her head. 

“You don’t have much stuff.”

Ms. DeBrun gave Michelle an intense look of interest. Now Michelle understood Clare’s crush on the woman; she was captivating. Her gaze seemed to draw you into the deepest parts of her mind. Sadly, Michelle couldn’t see past the wine fog. 

“Everything I own can fit into a suitcase. I never understood why people weigh themselves down with meaningless crap, you know?”

Erin was also deeply drawn into Ms. DeBrun’s orbit because she responded. 

“Yeah, god, I just hate possessions so much.”

Orla took this as a cue to ask a burning question that had been on her mind for several days. 

“Does that mean I can have your Sylvanian Family collection?”

“Shut up Orla.”

Michelle snapped her focus back to Clare, who was finishing off her second glass of wine. She tried to make eye contact with Clare, urging her to stop, but it was too late, Clare would be gone within 10 minutes.

“I don’t like to feel tied down you know?”

Michelle knew that feeling, she just wanted to be free.

“Life should be spontaneous.”

Considering how high her nerves were right now, Michelle definitely felt like doing something spontaneous. She didn’t know if that would be heavy drinking or helping someone else. She sincerely hoped for the latter.

“Free.”

Michelle needed to leave. 

She couldn’t. She was wedged between Erin and James. Instead she resolved to try to make it through the rest of the evening.

Erin was staring at Ms. DeBrun like she had all the secrets to the universe.

“Big time.”

“Slainté.”

They all toasted, with Clare rather sloppily clinking her glass against everybody elses.

She hiccuped.

“This is actually nice.”

Michelle just wanted this to end. She hated seeing Clare like this: out of control and messy. Just like how she could get. It’s a fate that Michelle would wish on no one. 

Orla, who had also never drank before, made an astute observation.

“Mmm, tastes a bit like blood.”

Michelle rolled her eyes internally. Let her suffering end.

Ms. DeBrun continued with her soliloquy.

“Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got a hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible.”

Clare was now staring at Ms. DeBrun with the same fascination as Erin, clinging to her every word. She nodded along as if she wanted to take her advice straight heart. 

Erin responded dreamily.

“That’s beautiful.”

“Sure, it’s my favorite quote.”

Ms. DeBrun bent over to refill Clare’s glass for a third time. Clare brought the glass to her perfect wee lips.

Michelle felt her protective nature flare. 

“Take it easy Oliver Reed.”

She felt a sharp pain in her chest as Clare’s clouded eyes met hers. It was because they were full of contempt. 

The rest of the time at Ms. DeBrun’s house bled away. 

Michelle couldn’t remember the rest of the conversation because all she could think about was Clare’s drunk expression of defiance towards her. It was like she didn’t care what the alcohol was doing to her, that Michelle’s words of concern meant nothing. 

Finally the group left, with Clare in pretty bad shape. She started stumbling as they all walked down the stone street, so Michelle and Erin supported her on each side. 

After their unfortunate run in with Jenny, the group dropped Erin and Orla off at their house.  
That left Michelle and James, each supporting Clare as they walked back to her house. 

About half-way to her house, Clare sobered up a bit, and now she could walk by herself. Michelle still kept a close eye on her, just in case she decided to trip over herself. 

“You doing alright Clare?”

“I’m fine Michelle.”

“I’ve got you, you know?”

“I know.”

James eyes darted back and forth between Michelle and Clare, sensing that something was going to happen.

They walked in silence for a few more minutes.

Michelle could feel her thoughts beginning to spiral again: Clare would never like her. She would be alone forever. James would get a girlfriend before she did. 

This needed to stop, she just needed to do something. 

“I’ve got something to say.”

James and Clare stopped and waited for Michelle to continue. James had an expression of confusion and Clare, through her drunk cloud of thought, curiosity. 

“I don’t really know how to say this, because the last time I mentioned it, someone else said it for me. And I’m not really good with my words, I’m just good at running my mouth. And Christ, I’ve never been this nervous before, but I think I just need to say it.”

She took a breath.

“I’m a lesbian.”

Suddenly, she felt very dizzy, as if the whole world was spinning out of control. How could she have told Clare? The one person who meant the most to her?

Her thoughts stopped as she felt a pair of soft arms envelope her in a hug.

Michelle opened her eyes, which she didn’t realize were shut, to see Clare. 

Clare, in all of her partial drunkness, smiling up at her. 

“It’s alright Michelle.”

Michelle could feel her eyes begin to water, this was all too much, but for once, in a good way.

She looked up at the clear night sky and bit her lip, willing herself not to cry.

She succeeded in keeping in the tears, however, she soon began to shake with nervousness.  
She had never been this vulnerable with someone she cared so much about.

Michelle felt Clare’s grip tighten around her, stabilizing her. She stopped shaking.

Taking another deep breath she looked down into the clarity of Clare’s blue eyes and felt a twinge in her heart so intense it took her breath away. 

It was at this very moment they lost themselves in each others eyes.

James didn’t want to break the moment, so he stayed silent, and gave them their space.

Michelle was the first one to speak, breaking the silence. 

“What do we do now?”

Clare scrunched her face in thought.

“I suppose we support each other.”

She then broke into another smile.

“Michelle do you know what this means? We can talk about girls together. And... and lots of other stuff I suppose. It feels so good to not be the only one.”

Michelle smiled down at a now very excited Clare.

“Yeah, it does.”

James cleared his throat, wanting to add to the conversation now that the silence had been broken. 

“Um, I don’t know if this makes much of a difference, but I also wanted to say something. Michelle, you always teased me for being gay, and well I always denied it because I thought you were wrong. And in a way you were, I’m not gay. But I don’t think I’m straight either. And I think you coming out has helped me realize that.”

Michelle couldn’t help but laugh, not at her cousin, but at the sheer irony of it all.

James’s eyes also sparkled with laughter, so Michelle knew that his feelings weren't hurt.

Clare’s eyes lit up at James’s confession. She broke her hug with Michelle to give James a big bear hug of support. 

Michelle felt proud. Of both herself and her cousin. Together the three of them could take on Derry much better than one wee lesbian by herself. 

Looking upon her embracing friends, Michelle sighed, because there was still one more thing she had to tell Clare.

And it made her even more nervous than coming out.


	6. Clear Blue Eyes

It had been a week since Ms. DeBrun had left. 

Each person reacted differently with her sudden exit: Erin and Clare were devastated; James wasn’t bothered, he was too busy trying to impress David Donnelley; Orla was sad, but quickly moved on; and Michelle was relieved. 

Ms. DeBrun had caused a lot of buzz in Derry and, for better or for worse, everyone had been affected. 

Everyone was gathered around Erin’s table since they were all finishing up their last day of suspension at her house. The whole group had also felt the effects of James and Michelle coming out, but not everyone knew that was why the group dynamics had shifted. 

They all sat in an uncomfortable silence.

Erin, who was still not over the fact that her idol was gone forever, piped up.

“I think we should go around and say what Ms. DeBrun meant to us.”

Everyone, except for Clare, who was already over Ms. DeBrun leaving, gave her a quizzical look. 

Erin pressed on.  
“Come on, I know that’s why we’ve all been down lately. We just need to talk about it and we’ll all feel better.”

Michelle rolled her eyes. 

Orla stopped trying to light her paperclip on fire and looked up.

“I guess she was alright. She helped me realize that I don’t need my socks anymore, but now my feet get cold. And I’m not really sure what to do. I’ve tried covering them in moss and that seems to be helping.”

Orla holds up her foot near Erin’s face. It is a slimy mess of wet moss and pruned Orla feet.

Erin nearly boked.

Clare takes the conversation, clearly not wanting to be next in the line of questioning.

“What about you James?”

James, however, is staring out the window with a dreamy expression in his eyes. He is clearly lost in thought over a certain someone and he doesn’t hear Clare. She repeats herself. 

“James?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Did Ms. DeBrun leaving impact you?”

He has finally shaken off the stupored look on his face from daydreaming about David Donnelly. Unfortunately, he can’t come up with a good response.

“I’m sad to see her go, I guess...”

Erin has recovered from Orla’s foot smell and questions.

“Why aren’t you devastated James? She changed all of our lives for the better.”

James looks at Clare and Michelle.

“I guess I can think of a few more people who have changed my life more.”

“What are you on about?”

James stops when he realized that he’s said too much.

Michelle frowned, he could be such an eejit sometimes. She stood up.

“Alright, Erin, Orla, I wasn't planning on doing this today.”

She gave a pointed look at James.

“But you both should know that I fancy girls. Not boys, but girls, just like Clare over here.”

She stopped to look at both of her friends, waiting for their reaction. Erin spoke first.

“Wait you like Clare?”

Michelle’s heart dropped. She replayed what she had just said in her head and she realized that it did sound like that she liked Clare. Christ help her. 

She couldn’t form a response, because she didn’t want to say yes, that could change the whole dynamic of the group. But she didn’t want to deny her feeling either. 

So Michelle did the same thing as when she found herself in a similar situation a few weeks ago. She ran outside. But this time she wasn’t looking for alcohol.

She could vaguely hear Clare calling after her, but the blood roaring in her ears drowned out most of the sound. 

Michelle found herself slumped on Erin’s front step, with her face buried in her hands. She couldn’t hold back the tears this time. She felt pathetic. 

Just like last time, the front door creaked open, but a different, much higher voice, spoke to her.

“You alright Michelle?”

When Michelle didn’t respond, Clare sat down next to her and wrapped her in a strong hug. Michelle leaned into it, as if it was the only rock in a sea of tears.

They stayed like that for awhile, Clare let Michelle cry her eyes out until she had calmed down.

Michelle sniffled, feeling braver with Clare arms around her. 

“It’s true, you know?”

She looked into Clare’s eyes, searching for a reaction.

“That I like you...And I know you probably don’t feel the same way. And we’ve been friends for forever, so I don’t know how this will change things and I’m just not sure.”

She cut herself off, wanting Clare to say something. She did.

“You know, I always thought I’d be alone here in Derry. Until you came out to me, well and James too. But suddenly two of my close friends are just like me and that’s the best feeling in the world. And I hadn’t ever thought about you like that, at least not until you told me you liked girls as well. And well, when you came out, I saw a different Michelle; one who could take care of herself and was her own person. And I think I fell for this Michelle. I think I like you.”

Michelle inhaled sharply. This was everything she could have ever wanted, happening right now. And she did the only logical thing she could think to do in that situation. 

She grasped the sides of Clare’s face and pulled her in for a kiss. 

Now Michelle had kissed lots of boys, but this was different, this was Clare. Clare, with her perfect wee lips, pressed firmly against hers. 

Now Clare, she had never kissed anyone before. So she did her best and tried to copy Michelle’s movements. She didn’t have to do much with her hands, as they held Michelle’s body close to hers.

Michelle shifted herself closer to Clare and moved one of her hands to tangle into the back of Clare’s hair. She deepened the kiss.

This scared Clare a bit, so she pulled away, breathing heavily. 

“Wow. Michelle that was...”

“Cracker, that was fecking cracker Clare.”

“Can we do that again?”

“Sure.”

It was Clare, this time, who went in for the kiss. She moved her hands from Michelle’s waist to around her shoulders. 

Michelle responded enthusiastically. Her right hand was still tangled in Clare’s hair, but she moved her left one to press along the small of Clare’s back, drawing her even closer. 

They stayed like this for awhile, not wanting to break the moment.

Michelle was the one to break the kiss, removing her hand from Clare’s hair. She then pulled Clare in for a hug. 

Clare sighed with content.

“Does this mean that we are dating Michelle?”

Michelle looked up at the clear blue sky and thought of Clare’s eyes. 

“I suppose it does Clare.”

They then separated and Michelle took ahold of Clare's small hand.

It wouldn't be easy, she thought.

But somehow, she knew that the two of them could make Derry so much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this and the positive feedback!


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